my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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