That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My vagina is officially offended.
You are the jesus of drinking
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
