Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
