i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
