WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize