Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
