There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
