now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
