I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
