So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The air was thick with penises
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
