Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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