speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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