Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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