OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
