College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
me + whiskey = a bad person
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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