So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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