I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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