i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
