I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
