My friends, they love my intelligence
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
As shirtless as possible
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
