He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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