Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
