I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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