I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
