So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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