dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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