When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
