Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Alive.
So much puke
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Who died my cat blue again?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Pooping to opera.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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