Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
