I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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