Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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