If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
