I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
