They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
