If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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