Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
