Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
