if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
