Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
