i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
