Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
