I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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