shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
