please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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