Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
