the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
