Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
