I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
