I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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