i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
