I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
