Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
