If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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