Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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