Cold hands, warm shart.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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