So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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