I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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