we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
you made out with another girl for some wings
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
