I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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