Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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