when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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