Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
