we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Holy shit dude........stairs
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
