drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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