Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize