I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
