we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
