On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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