she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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