is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
