Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
