he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
