6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
