I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
