I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
