you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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